Tetramandian Affairs
by Charlotte Envy
Summary: Tetramands are weird, but not as weird as Bevin. Rated M just in case.


Okey, so I was confused about the Tetramandian marriage thingy cuz when Ben fights Looma so she won't marry Kevin and he wins, he becomes her fiance instead, But when Julie fights Looma for Ben and wins, Looma tells her she is Ben's fiance now, and goes back home.

So I'm thinking either Ben should have become Kevin's fiance because they were fighting for Kevin in the first place, or Julie should become Looma's fiance because she overpowered Looma and Tetramands see that as a good thing.

I later found out that Tetramand women are stronger than men, so if a male overpowers a female, he becomes her husband. So Julie didn't marry Looma because she's just a girl so it doesn't count like that, and Ben didn't marry Kevin because he challenged and beat Looma and she thought that was HAWT. But I still think it would have been better with yaoi so here ya go~~~

(Also, I think the Julie/Looma thing should have happened because even though she's not a man, she is a human, which makes her physically weaker than Looma so it's pretty amazing that she won anyway and Looma should have proposed to her n shit.)

This may or may not contain smut in later chapters. I don't really know if I can write it, but I'll try. Be warned.

* * *

Looma smiled up at Ben's Tetramandian form, blushing as anyone else from her planet would in this situation. He was very handsome, and very strong. If only she had been able to marry him…

But alas, he was Kevin's now.

She stood and bowed to her conqueror as he morphed back to a human with a flash of green light. "I hope the two of you live a happy and fulfilling life together," She said, shifting her gaze to Kevin. "I have failed you, my love. I am sure Ben will make a much better wife than I!" Looma sniffled a bit.

Ben coughed, drawing her attention away from the older male. "What was that about me being his _wife_?" The brunette asked incredulously.

Tetramand women are typically stronger than men, so if a tetramand male defeats a female, he becomes her husband. However, in this case, you were no fighting for my love, but for Kevin's. And I, as the weaker being, must respect that."

"So basically," Argit cut in, "by objecting to their wedding, you were declaring your undying love for Kevin. You two were just fighting for Kevin's last name." He finished with an annoying snicker.

Meanwhile, Kevin was on the floor (ayyy) laughing his ass off while the Tetramandians packed up their portable altar. "Hey, Why don't we just skip all the planning and have the ceremony now, while there's still an altar? Unless you need time to pick out a wedding dress, _babe_…" He looked at ben, smirking childishly as he stood up and dusted himself off.

Ben rolled his eyes.

Looma giggled in a way that didn't fit a woman of her stature. Or species, for that matter. "While I am devastated to go home without a husband, I must admit that the two of you make a very cute couple." She said, winking with her two left eyes before walking to her ship, where her father was waving at the new couple and smiling.

"We wish the both of you the best in your marriage!" He said in a deep, gravelly voice.

The ship took off, leaving the boys alone. Alone with Argit, I mean. He was still there, laughing it up with Kevin. (Gwen had left during Ben's battle with Looma. Apparently she had better things to do than watch her cousin beat up an alien princess.)

Ben was in no mood to be mocked for being the wife. He had just saved his… Whatever Kevin was… from certain doom at the many hands of a lovesick alien woman. He thought he deserved better than this. So he grumbled something about smoothies and began to walk away.

Kevin jogged after him and Argit left to practice some illegal business.

Ben and Kevin were forced to _walk_ to Mr. Smoothy's because Kevin's car was elsewhere, (He had been abducted by aliens, after all) and on the way they passed a bridal store.

Kevin pointed out a long, flowy, silk wedding gown. I think that one would look nice on you," He said nonchalantly, smirking when Ben punched him in the arm weakly. "That didn't hurt at all. You should really work out more if you want to be the husband in this relationship."

Ben huffed and lifted his omnitrix arm in front of him, selecting Humungousaur. "Who needs muscles when I have-" He slammed his other hand on the button and Kevin wasn't surprised when none other than _Ditto_ emerged from the flash of green light. "..._Don't. Say. One. Word._"

Kevin raised an eyebrow. "And what if I _do_ say something?"

"_I'll… Uhh… I'll do… something!_"

Kevin chuckled, picking up the little alien and bringing him into an extremely tight hug. "You're so cute, Benji! I think I wanna marry you even more now!" He teased, squeezing as hard as he could until Ben finally transformed back.

"Get off of me!" Ben squeaked with what little breath he had left.

Kevin dropped him onto the sidewalk. "As you wish, princess~." Then he continued walking.

Ben jumped up after regaining his breath and caught up to Kevin. "I don't think you realize how many people are on this street. Anyone could have gotten that on camera!" He panted. "What if that scene gets onto the news? I'll be a laughingstock!"

"_Relax,_ babe~. You're so uptight. Just like Gwen…"

"And quit it with the pet names! I'm not marrying you, you know!"

Kevin found it funny that the younger male was so flustered about a harmless pet name, but didn't object to being compared to Kevin's _girlfriend_. He made a mental note of Ben's reaction, but decided not to talk about it. Instead, he just quietly smirked to himself.

"H-hey! What are you so smug about? Are you even listening to me?"

Kevin's eyes widened just slightly and he looked at the brunette. _Did he just stutter?_ Ben was blushing. Amazing. "You're so…" he trailed off, knowing he shouldn't say it out loud. It was one thing to tease Ben about their engagement. It was another thing entirely to call him _cute_.

Ben narrowed his eyes at the other. "I'm so _what_?" He demanded. The pink had left his cheeks by now, but the pout that replaced it could hardly be called anything less than adorable.

Kevin smiled. "I completely lost my train of thought. Sorry." He looked the other way, surprised to find that they had already arrived at Mr. Smoothy's, which was strange because Kevin had no idea where he had been going. Of course, with 22 (or 23) locations in Bellwood, they were bound to run into one soon enough. The city wasn't _that_ big.

"Do you really think I'd believe that? I'm not _stupid_ Kevin."

"Sure you aren't."

* * *

wAOW SO SHORT UGH  
I promise I'll try harder next time, okey?

Important things:

~When I wrote "illegal business" I imagined Argit in a skimpy outfit, smoking a cigarette on a street corner, winking at random passerby (oh my god someone please draw this for me).

hAH I made you think that was important but it wasn't! *Turns into Ben 23 and cackles with glee* Take thta PEASENTS!


End file.
